What Is All This Stuff? It Looks Like a Junkyard Around Here!

Yep, time for another round-up of things I've just kind of found lying around the internet. As always, just click on the links for the full story.

ITEM! Hey you! Yeah, you, the guy who starts honking if the car in front of you doesn't move as soon as the light turns green - here's hoping you someday get to sit in one of China's month-long traffic jams!

ITEM! Gee, I'm glad all of our voting machines here in the U. S. are completely safe and fraud proof. That way no one will try to prove otherwise and wind up arrested for it.

ITEM! Bad: Being taken to the hospital because you've been in a serious automobile accident. Worse: Waking up to find out you're being prepped for cancer surgery. Worstest: Winding up with four broken ribs, a sprained shoulder, a ruptured spleen, and a concussion after being beaten down by black-gloved hospital security while trying to leave.

ITEM! Just a suggestion: if you're going to break into someone's house while they're away on vacation, don't take the time to have sex on their floor when you do. If, however, you just can't help yourself, may I make the further suggestion you not leave behind the taped evidence when the neighbor comes to pick up the mail. It might make tracking you down kind of easy.

ITEM! Standard fair fun: Roller coaster? Check. Funnel cakes? Check. "Beat Whitey Night"? Ummm...

ITEM! From the "Who could've guessed it" Department: President Clinton was one of the smartest men to ever occupy the White House but had an immature attitude when it came to sex.

ITEM! Y'know, I've finally come to believe it's a Good Thing the Republicans are such strict believers in the sanctity of the constitution. Otherwise they might have proposed more than just 42 changes to it during the current congress.

ITEM! $1 million for streaking in front of the president? Would that be enough to get you out of the White House dungeon you'd be incarcerated in?

ITEM! From the Let's Drug 'Em All Anyway file: "A child that is easily distracted, fidgety and interruptive in school might not have a clinical case of attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), but might rather just be acting his or her age, posit researchers behind two new studies of diagnosis trends."

ITEM! Now it all makes sense: Americans no longer understand basic concepts like religious equality because they no longer understand equal signs.

ITEM! Consumers: "Hey, how come this stuff called Vitaminwater turns out not to be healthy stuff?" Coke: "no consumer could reasonably be misled into thinking Vitaminwater was a healthy beverage." Seriously.

LAST ITEM! Why? Simply because it made me smile: