Return of the Revenge of the Son of the Ghost of the Bride of the Junkyard

Yeah, it's been awhile since our last Junkyard, so this one's kinda supersized... Some folks call it "linkblogging", we just call it "The Junkyard"... What is it? Basically an every-once-in-a-while collection of those items I've run across that don't necessarily need a full write-up or maybe just little bits that I find amusing or quirky or.... Anyway, just follow the links in each item for more info... You get the idea... anyway, enough preamble, on with the show...

ITEM! Y'ever feel that the real problem with the Bible is that it's just too gosh-darn liberal? Well, worry no more, because the Conservapedia Bible Project is here to let you help fix it...

ITEM! Are ya a small farmer? Do you like buying locally produced foods? Perhaps bartering eggs for tomatoes? Well, you can forget about it if the Produce Traceability Initiative and the Food Safety Enhancement Act of 2009 which just passed the house aren't severly modified by the senate...

ITEM! Now we know why Nero Wolfe was so paranoid and kept such meticulous records about his orchids... He didn't want SWAT teams invading his house or to spend years in a federal penitentiary...

ITEM! "We're not asking people to spy on their neighbors," [Los Angeles police Cmdr. Joan] McNamara said while exhorting the crowd. "If you see something, say something."

ITEM! What's that? You think the posting of bills online so the public can know what their representatives are actually voting on might be a good thing? Well, fortunately your representatives don't agree with you...

ITEM! Think that 2 can dine for 10.99 deal sounds good? You might want to think again...

ITEM! When you decide it might be fun to beat up on those two girly-men walking down the street, you might want to make sure they're not actually cage fighters on their way to a costume party...

ITEM! Frequent flyers: if you think taking your belt and shoes off before getting on a plane is for sh!t, wait'll you get a load of this: "All Nippon Airways (ANA) claims that empty bladders mean lighter passengers, a lighter aircraft and thus lower fuel use."

ITEM! Of course, some are saying that airport security is one of the reasons Chicago didn't get the olympics...

ITEM! Can you really oppose a bill that "would withhold defense contracts from companies like KBR 'if they restrict their employees from taking workplace sexual assault, battery and discrimination cases to court.'"? Apparently 30 Republican senators can...

ITEM! After having to be told "I have been in Jewish cemeteries. There is never a cross on a tombstone of a Jew.", the Supreme Court decides that maybe making no decision is sometimes the best thing they can do...

ITEM! I realise the economy is leading a lot of people to do things you might not expect of them, but does Marge Simpson need the money THAT much?!

ITEM! "HEY! What is that?!" "I think it's tear gas!" "Quick, take off your bra!" (Hey, at least with two cups you can share with your neighbor...)

ITEM! Obviously whoever pulled off this theft was just a concerned citizen scared by the terror threat levels and doing his best to be prepared in case if an imminent gas attack...

ITEM! At first described as resembling "a dignified old man", this parrot soon proved nothing but a horny teen...

ITEM! So if you're a police officer whose partner has just shot a homeowner in the back six times, dragged his bloodied body out of the house in front of his family, put him on the hood of your squad car and then driven down the street with it on top of the car, you might want to make sure the 911 center is not still recording what's going on in the house when you tell him "That's all right. Don't worry about it. I got your back. ... We clear?"

ITEM! A school in Wales has come up with what appears to be an innovative solution to the problem of school children smoking: Hand out the cigarettes to them and build them a smoking shelter...

ITEM! Meanwhile, closer to home, New York city schools have banned bake sales... except, of course, for the one day a month when the PTA can sell dark fudge brownies and lemon bars... oh, and after 6pm on weekdays, anything goes...

ITEM! For those who are intersted in what you're not being told, Project Censored has released their list of the top 25 under- or non- reported stories for 2009/2010...

ITEM! The next minority group likely to be out in the streets demanding their civil rights? Protestants...

ITEM! Can you really improve a lead line like "A gay man tried to poison his lesbian neighbours by putting slug pellets into their curry after he was accused of kidnapping their three-legged cat."? I don't think so...

ITEM! Speaking of lesbians, guess who's being more adversely affected by "Don't ask, don't tell"?

ITEM! And speaking of lead lines, how about "Boy drags flashy man of God to police for terrorising his buttocks with monster whopper"

LAST ITEM! Finally, is she sexy? Yes. Is she the sexiest woman alive? Hmm...

More tomorrow! (Yep, really... more!)